Believe it or not, there are a lot of things in this world that actually make me smile wider than Pinkie Pies, waffles, game nights, watching cartoons, when the bed is cold, etc. But there are also plenty of things which make my smile disappear quicker than Houdini. Today I’m going to list pet peeves and hope you guys agree with me.

1. People who don’t know when to stop talking: And I’m not talking about just chopping it up with the homies. I’m talking about those strangers who decide they want to impersonate Fred Fredburger. The ones who continue talking for decades at a time, and then even after you decide to hit them with the “Dang, that’s crazy” finishing move, they just deflect it like Piccolo and continue babbling for days. You would be trying to, “Oh, for real?,” your way out of conversations, bro. And then when you finally try to speak, they just continue talking over you like Donald Trump. I’m pretty sure you had those co-workers who suddenly spawn right next to you and start recalling their entire lineage and experience of living. I don’t care what your lacrosse team did in 1983, bro. These people are just a constant pest. Why do they feel the need to report all the news to me like CNN? Imagine you’re working at a retail job and you’re on your break, recuperating from the hardships and misery of work, practically melting in the chair like a snowman in Arizona, just for one of these provoking individuals to try and give you a whole story time like some cliche YouTuber.
2. Pencil chewers and eraser stabbers: I hate when people treat pencils like chew toys. I never understood how some people could just start gnawing on these pencils like Bugs Bunny. It’s even worse when you lend somebody a pencil and then at the end of class, they try to hand it back and the pencil has the same texture as crinkle cut fries. Are you part beaver or something? Do these people not have any fear of getting sick? These pencils probably contain more bacteria than a garbage truck. They’d be over there salivating and slobbering on their pens like popsicles. Some people also don’t like when people who treat their erasers like Julius Caesar and start impaling their erasers at lightning quick speeds. They leave their erasers looking like they’re cosplaying as the Spot. There is no need to turn your erasers into the 101 Dalmatians. I understand if you’re a kid but this is why I’m so hesitant to let people borrow my stuff because before I know it, they’ll return it looking like it got run over by an 18-wheeler. Got the erasers looking like the opening scene from Holes.
3. People who talk during movies: Have you ever been hyped to go see the newest movie in theaters? You put on a nice outfit, manage to sneak your snacks into the theater and find the best seat and view in the theater, but then all of a sudden, you can hear people cackling and conversing loud enough for everybody to hear. It’s like the voices got surround sound. Like at that point, just watch the movie at home. You can give all the commentary that you want. I also despise people asking questions while the movie’s going on. I haven’t seen it either! They act like I wrote the script or something. They ask more questions than a state exam.
4. When people tell you to do stuff you’re already doing: Have you ever had those moments when you actually decide to be a functioning member of society and decide to do your chores? Like, I’ll pretty much be done with the kitchen: got it looking squeaky clean! I have to clean every nook and cranny of everything. Then out of nowhere, my mom will air drop herself into the kitchen talking about, “Put away the recycling.” When I tell you this raised my blood pressure higher than Ferb’s pants, I really think parents do this to instigate. This is one of the biggest mood killers of all time. It’s also aggravating when they try to tell you to do something that you already did. So then, they try and look for alternate chores to get you to do instead.
5. People who don’t wash their hands: This is by far the most abominable and low event on this list. Imagine walking into a bathroom, finishing nature’s call, and then just walking straight out the bathroom looking like Arthur in his theme song. Now look, I can understand how a little kid or something could be in denial to do something like this, but some of you are old enough to have co-written the Ten Commandments. There’s no excuse for you, especially if you’re in a public setting. Because if you’re in the comfort of your own home, you can spread all the germs that you want to. And then they wonder why they wake up with more diseases than SpongeBob with the suds.
6. Food tasting different based on temperature: On the rare occasion that you can actually find me microwaving my food, you’ll most likely see me with a face-staler than Chipotle chips. Because no matter how long I put my food in there, it comes out with the middle more frozen than an iceberg. It literally sounds like warfare in the microwave. I hear more pops coming from the microwave than the Fourth of July. But then I take a bite out of it and it feels like I’m biting into an ice cream sandwich. But then the plate I had the food on reached temperatures hot enough to give me third degree burns. It’s like every bite has a different temperature like Hot Pockets. It’s the most deceiving thing known to man.
7. People who vlog their daily lives: I get that sometimes you want to take pictures of certain events and whatnot, but if we’re going out to eat and you take a million pictures of your food like it’s modeling, then I’m leaving the premises expeditiously. And they spend an entire blue moon trying to get the right angle for their 12 Instagram followers. And I’m not even trying to sound like an old head. I just don’t think that every waking moment of our lives needs to be documented like National Geographic.
8. When the waiter walks past with food you thought you ordered: I know y’all hate when the waiter decides to pump fake you hard with what you thought was your food. Once again, I think they do this on purpose to humiliate us. Like they make direct eye contact with me, see that I’m hyped to get my food, and then immediately hit a sharp turn to the left. Then the people who came in after me, with 5 minutes for a to-go order, get their food before me who has been there since they opened.
9. People who eat your leftovers: Have you ever saved some good leftovers for the next day? So then you rush home from school or work to indulge in that goodness. Then you walk into the crib and see somebody devouring your food like a mountain lion. I think this is the closest thing to me actually committing to an MMA tournament. I’ve been in class fantasizing about that food. All for it to be gone when I get home. Top five heartbreaks in history.
10. Biting Foods That Aren’t Meant To Be Bitten: Kit-Kats: Instead of breaking them apart, they take this Scooby-Doo bite. All you have to do is break them apart and eat them. The lines are there for a reason. Biting ice cream: Seeing this makes my skin recoil: chewing on it like it’s gum. This is like biting mashed potatoes or yogurt. I’m not saying you have to keep licking to no end but with teeth as sensitive as DW’s, I can’t think of doing this. The only expectations are if you’re eating an ice cream sandwich or an ice cream cone. 

Share your pet peeves in the comments!